Psalm 139
by DamaDeHonor
Summary: I'm not much for the whole destiny thing," Dean said, a bitter note in his voice, "And what sort of God lets me look at the past, but doesn't let me do a freaking thing to change it? My mother made a deal with the devil, right under his nose."


**Notes:** I probably shoulda posted this on Christmas or before like I planned, but I got all distracted and couldn't get back in the writing mood. It got changed from its original version, and I'm posting it spontaneously, so there are probably mistakes. If you notice discontinuities, let me know. Thanks, and enjoy! :D

Thank you to **VesperRegina** and **poestheblackcat** for insight, advice and mad editing skillzzzz. :D *glomps*

**Spoilers:** "In The Beginning", "Heaven and Hell"

- - -

**"if I make my bed in hell, behold, thou art there"**

**(Psalm 139)**

A long time ago, God had created the universe and the universe had continued to expand outward, outward, going off to the farthest, farthest reaches of space, and still it had continued. And God had sat in the middle of that dark emptiness and had thought, "This is not right. This is not good."

So God prepared a planet, putting green things and animals, and sea creatures, dividing everything up into their own special places, making it ready for the being he would call his child.

The angels had watched, and been filled with wonder. A work of clay had become living with the holy breath that entered its carefully designed lungs.

The child, God called "Adam," and from Adam, he took a rib and crafted a woman, a helper for his new son.

The one who'd been jealous from the start, once a shining star among the angels, came to Eve in the form of a dragon. He convinced her to break the rules, tempted her with the thing he thought most coveted, knowledge like that of God.

She fell for his scheme.

- - -

Mary Campbell had always been protected, since she was a little girl, and her daddy lifted her on his shoulders and swung her around. She'd never been afraid he'd drop her. Knew he'd never let her fall. It didn't matter to him that she was a girl; he'd taught her everything he knew, since the time she was old enough to learn.

And now she cradled her love in the grass, and her father was no longer her father.

She was no longer his little girl. She was no longer under his protection. She couldn't go to him for help, or ask him what she should do. And her heart... Oh, God, her heart was being torn out of her breast!

She made her choice because she couldn't lose everything. She couldn't lose it all at once that way. She would die, and then the demon inside her father would win anyway.

If there was anything her father had taught her, it was that with life, there was hope.

- - -

When David took Bathsheba, the wife of Uriah, because he wanted her, it wasn't as if he couldn't have had any of the women in all his kingdom.

To cover up what he'd done, he had Uriah sent to the front line of battle, where he died.

But God knew, and sent Nathan the prophet to convict him of what he'd done. Nathan told David that God had been willing to give him all that he wanted and more, and that the sin was in taking what hadn't belonged to him.

The punishment was the death of David and Bathsheba's first child.

- - -

Dean woke up, gasping and sweating, and dragged himself out of bed and to the bathroom. Nausea squirmed inside his belly like a giant tape-worm that was eating all his soul and spirit away.

Sam was awake when he finally came out, face cold and damp from the water he'd splashed on it repeatedly.

"Dean," he said.

Dean lowered his eyes, made a beeline for his bed, tried to reach out and snap off the light. Sam stopped him, a hand over his, and he jerked his back, like it'd touched fire.

"It's no good," Sam said, quietly, "You're not gonna go back to sleep, anyway. Take a walk with me."

For a second or two, he thought about saying something like, "go suck an egg", but his head was starting to throb. He nodded, and reached down for his boots.

- - -

The fresh air had already calmed his nerves a little, but he shook his head when Sam asked him if he was coming back inside. "Nah, you go ahead."

Sam gave him a long look. "Okay, just don't think too much."

Dean half-smirked, half-grimaced. "Hahah." He chose to take it as more of a joke than a warning.

His little brother smiled, wanly, and went back into the motel.

"He's right, you know."

Dean jumped so hard, his teeth clicked together. Cas looked embarrassed. "I didn't mean to startle you."

"Well, you did."

"I'm sorry."

He sighed. "Forget it... Did you come to tell me that another seal's about to be broken, so get my butt moving?"

Cas lifted an eyebrow. "No, Dean. I... You seem troubled."

"Oh, y'think, Sherlock?" A blank look. "You come and tell me that _God_ is testing me to see if I've got the balls to be some kind of great leader, and you expect me to be all happy-go-freakin-lucky about it?"

"I never said you should be happy."

He was still annoyed, but he had to admit--so far, Cas had been pretty understanding for a guy who'd been in some cosmic basement his whole life.

"Whatever." It was the best apology he could give, at the moment.

"I understand your uneasiness," Cas began--awkward, but just innocent enough to think he had some sort of answer--"But how can you refute it, if it is what God has already ordained?"

"I'm not much for the whole destiny thing," Dean said, a bitter note in his voice, "And what sort of God lets me look at the past, but doesn't let me do a freaking thing to change it? My mother made a deal with the devil, right under his nose."

"Ever since the first fall, God has given you a choice. Mary made her decision."

Dean glared off toward the darkness. "So it's all on her, huh?" _He_ couldn't blame his mother, but that's what it seemed like Cas was doing.

"Dean," Castiel said, not pityingly, but with a certain note of, what? Sympathy? Empathy? Compassion? "You don't realize how great the Lord's love is toward humanity. Do you know of David?"

"The king, right?" He couldn't believe he was about to get a Sunday school lesson from an angel. He couldn't wait to tell Sam.

"Yes. Are you familiar with the story of his adultery with Bathsheba?"

"Yeah, he killed her husband and married the hottie." Dean smirked.

Cas looked unamused. "He made a grave mistake because of physical lust. He committed murder, and Nathan the prophet came and gave him a word from God. David repented, but as a result of his sin, his first child with Bathsheba died."

Dean's breath caught in his throat. He didn't think he'd be telling Sam about this conversation, after all. "That's it? And you still think God loves us?"

"He punished David _because_ he loved him." Castiel frowned. "Bathsheba and David had a second son--Solomon." Dean blinked. He must have known that, but didn't ever make the connection between Solomon's mother and David and Bathsheba. "From the same line, came Joseph, the husband of Mary."

"Mary?" For a moment, Dean was confused, and then he made the connect. "The mother of Jesus?"

Despite the incredulous tone to his words, Castiel nodded, expression almost gentle. "Think on it."

Dean had time enough to take a rebellious breath, and Cas was gone.

-end-

_"And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying,_

_"Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men."_

-- Luke 2: 13 & 14.


End file.
